Dear Practical LOA #4

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Dear PLOA: Why do you deserve that (and not me)?
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I know we’re just kicking off a new miniseries and it’s weird to interrupt it, but today’s Dear Practical LOA strikes at such a fundamental cord and is a source of huge blocks for many people.

I am particularly excited to answer this question, because, while the source of the inspiration from the question was a book on NLP, it is the exact same action step we went over on the Monday before last in “The WORST Question to ask.”

The question comes from the UK:

"I have recently purchased a book on Neuro Linguistic programming or NLP.

One of the activities in it, was to ask a 'model' (not a clothes model) but basically someone who is good at what you wish to be good at, what their beliefs and thoughts are that make them good at what they are good at.

... what makes you think you deserve the work that you have/do? Like making a great income and writing the right words that capture peoples attention in emails ?”

Hi [XXXXX],

- What makes me think I deserve the work that I have/do?

Since this question is directed at me, personally, I will give my personal answer rather than the general principles.

I actually never think in terms of "deserve."

“Deserve” is indicative of a few telling thought processes. If I say, I deserve something, then my fundamental belief is that if I am or do X, then I should be given Y. If I am alive, I deserve to be respected. If I work hard, I deserve to get paid a lot.

The focus is on the work, not the result. It's on the assumed cause, not the effect.

To me, this is a misguided understanding of how the world works. I always think in terms of Creation. And I always work back from the result I want.

If I want to be respected, then I need to be respectable. I need to be the kind of person that people respect. Not simply be born.

If I want to be paid a lot, then I need to do the types of things or be the type of person or have the types of things that allow me to be paid a lot. That means I own assets instead of consumer products. I am the kind of person that people want to be associated with. I do the activities that other people value highly.

I can't dig a ditch and work really hard at digging ditches and "deserve" to be paid a lot.

But I spent all day digging ditches! I worked all day long!

Yes, and in that same time and same effort, someone else coordinated the work that gave a million hungry people access to food. Who will get paid more?

With this understanding of the world, if ever I don't get what I want, it's not because I didn't deserve it; it's because I didn't do the right activity, have the right asset, or be the right type of person in order to get what I wanted.

Whichever the case, it's up to me to modify it if I still want what I didn't get the first time around.

So, I would say I don't "deserve" to make a great income writing emails that capture attention.

I write emails every day (Do). I have an audience who reads my words daily (Have). I am the kind of person who attracts people who want change in their life. And I am the kind of person who makes the thoughts and ideas that can help them achieve what they want easily accessible and digestible (Be).

And therefore I make a great income. I Create the result with who I Am, what I Do, and what I Have.

If you ever find that you don’t get what you “deserve,” don’t fret about the “unfairness" of it. It is simply a result.

Learn from the feed back. Take the result you got and compare it to the result you wanted and use what you learn to make adjustments to who you are, what you do, and what you have.

Then try again. You’ll get results that are closer and closer to the one you wanted until you finally meet or exceet it.

May you never feel undeserving again!
Kane